It was really happening. Exhale wasn’t surprised in the least to hear Taylor’s voice saying the words her mind had been prepared to hear, and yet she couldn’t accept it, almost like she was reading it in a book. She was seeing the situation, yet feeling apart from it, like it wasn’t really happening. But it was really happening. His voice just kept buzzing in her ear and she struggled not to drop the receiver. “I really can’t believe a girl like Rory said she’d go out with me, you know?”

Exhale barely realized she was talking as she practically whispered the words, “I need to go,” in a voice completely void of expression.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Taylor was so enveloped in his sense of sheer happiness that he didn’t notice her flat tone.

“Okay.” Exhale hung up quickly, unable to bear having to hear his gaiety anymore.

Exhale went through the motions of preparing herself for sleep. As she stood in front of the mirror brushing her teeth, the thought of crying seemed very appealing. She stared at her reflection critically. This short hair really does make me look like a boy. And my eyes are so close together. When did my nose get so stumpy? God, my teeth are freaking huge, she thought to herself. No wonder you’ve never had a boyfriend. And you’re crazy to think Taylor will ever want you, Exhale. She grew so disgusted with herself that she quickly rinsed and left the bathroom, walking into her bedroom. As she slid between the cool sheets of her bed and settled her head against the pillow, she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t tell anyone what Taylor had told her over the phone. Telling someone would make it real, and she couldn’t be responsible for letting that happen.

The next morning, her plan was ruined the second Raine spotted her at their lockers. Raine’s best friend instincts instantly kicked it and without a greeting, she said, “What’s wrong?”

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think. “Taylor and Rory are going out now,” Exhale said, concentrating so hard on her combination lock that she missed the 22 and had to start over.

“I’m sorry, Hale,” Raine said sympathetically. “I know that won’t make you feel much better, but you know I’m always here for you.”

Exhale forced a smile, unable to produce a genuine one no matter how much she appreciated her best friend at the moment. “Thanks.”

“I don’t mean to change the subject, but would it be okay if I got a ride this afternoon?”

“Raine, I really don’t want to deal with your Ethan complex right now, so if this is about him…”

“It’s not, I swear,” Raine said with a smile. “I was just asking. I just kinda wasn’t in the mood for the bus today.”

“Well, looks like I’m taking the bus today too. Ethan has football practice and my mom can’t pick us up because her car’s in the shop. Sorry.”

“No problem. I guess I’ll see you on the bus then,” Raine said with a laugh.

“We have to go to homeroom,” Exhale said, checking her watch. “We’re going to be late.”

Raine could see that her attempts to take Exhale’s mind off of the situation were failing miserably. “Hale, are you going to be okay?” she asked, meaning without asking whether Exhale would be okay with being in the same room as Rory.

“Really, Raine. I’m fine.”

____________

“Oh, shit!” Exhale exclaimed at 2:26 that afternoon as she watched the big yellow school bus that left exactly five minutes after the final bell rang every day pull out of the parking lot. She cursed at herself, knowing that Raine would be wondering where she was and thinking that she had no ride home now. Remembering why she had to take the bus in the first place, she turned toward the football field.

As she approached, Ethan spotted her from his place on the bleachers with the rest of the team. “Hale, what are you doing here?” he called when she was close enough to hear him.

“I missed my bus,” she said struggling not to cry. This was seriously the last thing I needed right now, she thought. “I stopped at my locker for a book and by the time I got outside it was leaving.”

Ethan sighed. “Well, unless you feel like walking all that way I guess you’ll just have to sit here and wait.”

“I don’t mind,” Exhale said with a shrug.

The coach called the team out to the field just then, and Ethan called out, “It might be awhile!” over his shoulder as he jogged out to join them.

Exhale made her way to the top of the metal bleachers and tried to make herself comfortable. As she reached into her messenger bag to get out her Geometry book to start on some homework, she spotted her Discman case and pulled it out as well as the books. She pulled the headphones over her ears and hit play, not really caring what was in there. Relief washed over her when the voice of Daniel Johns entered her ears. Silverchair could make any bad day better for her. She set to work on her assigned proofs and had been working furiously for half an hour when she felt someone sitting next to her. Startled, she turned to see Taylor next to her. Her hand reached out and stopped the CD just as he said, “Hey.”

“Hey…what are you doing here?” Her voice was full of caution as well as surprise.

“I tried calling your house and no one answered, and then I called your cell phone but I figured you might still have it on silent from school. I remembered you saying Ethan had football practice so I figured you might still be here.” Taylor offered her a smile, seeing the hard look in her eyes, but was disappointed when it wasn’t returned.

“What was so important that you couldn’t wait until I got home?” Exhale asked, pulling off the headphones and diverting her gaze from his hypnotizing blue eyes.

“I was just thinking about last night…” Taylor’s voice trailed off, not sure how to put his thoughts into words.

“And?” she prompted.

“And I was thinking that you sounded kind of upset when we hung up last night. I’ve spent all day feeling really bad, but…I wasn’t sure what I was even feeling bad about. Do I owe you an apology? Did I do something wrong?” The hurt was evident in his voice, and it genuinely surprised Exhale.

After seconds of silence, battling with what she should say, Exhale finally sighed. “No, it wasn’t you. Honestly. I…I just had a really big test today and…I forgot about it up until you called so I hadn’t started studying yet.” Even to herself, the excuse sounded lame and completely unconvincing, and she could see in his expression that he didn’t believe her.

“Oh, okay,” he said. Although he didn’t believe her answer, he couldn’t come up with anything else so he didn’t push the issue. It was apparent that it was something she didn’t want to discuss.

Exhale felt a stir within her chest as she realized Taylor’s focus on her had not changed. His eyes were locked on her face, searching for some sign of what she was thinking. Instead of letting her guard down, however, she said in an almost biting tone, “Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m not.” His gaze quickly snapped away defensively. “Where do the cheerleaders practice?”

“The gym. Why? Thinking of trying out?” Her voice had softened and she even managed to give him a smile.

“No, I wanted to see if maybe Rory was still here.”

The smile disappeared instantly and she looked down at her notebook. “Oh.”

Taylor noticed her sudden change in behavior and quickly said, “I’m kidding. I just wanted to come talk to you. I hadn’t thought of Rory being here until just now.”

“No, you didn’t,” she said, picking up her pencil and trying to force herself to continue working on her homework. She was terrified that if she continued to look at him, the tears she had spent weeks trying to ignore would overcome her. She mentally chastised herself for actually letting herself believe he had come there with the sole intention of seeing her. “You came to see your girlfriend. You don’t have to lie about it.”

“Exhale…I didn’t mean it that way. I really did come to see you. Why else would I have called all over for you before I came? Check your cell phone if you don’t believe me.” Taylor’s voice was almost pleading with her to believe him.

Realizing he had made a good point, Exhale tried to change the subject. “Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Just…us. I wanted to talk to you about us.”

“What about us?”

“I just…I could see at Ethan’s party that you and Rory don’t get along too well,” Taylor admitted. “So…I just wanted to make sure all of this is okay with you. What I mean is…if she’s done anything to you, just tell me and I’ll be done with her. We haven’t been friends all that long, but I really enjoy what we have. You’re more important than her to me, and your approval means a lot to me.”

The thought of recounting to him the details of Rory’s first day at Riverdale when she had stared Exhale down seemed appealing. But Exhale could see the happiness in his eyes, and knew what her answer had to be, no matter how much it hurt her. “Taylor, she obviously makes her happy. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine with it.”

Taylor smiled. “Good, because I don’t want anything to happen to our friendship, Exhale. It really is important to me.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Exhale asked, “If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?”

Taylor shrugged. “What’s the question?”

“That day at your house…you told me you thought I was Rory. I just want to know if you would have come out to talk to me still…if you had known I wasn’t her.” Exhale braced herself for his answer like she was bracing for a physical blow.

Taylor thought for a second before nodding. “I can honestly say I would have. And I’m happy I did.”

Exhale smiled softly. “That’s all I needed to hear.”