“It’s Michelle Branch day!”

Taylor looked up from his bowl of cereal as Exhale bounded into the great room with an excited smile on her flushed face, clapping her hands as she jumped up and down. “I feel like I’m in Empire Records,” he replied with a chuckle, shoving another spoonful of Apple Jacks into his mouth as she plopped down in the chair across from him.

“Michelle Branch is way better than Rex Manning, though,” she stated thoughtfully, sticking her hand into the box of cereal and popping a few into her mouth. “I really want to start getting ready, like…right now.”

“Go ahead, and then you can sit around for eight hours in your dress and heels and whine about how uncomfortable you are,” Taylor said sarcastically. He quickly moved his head out of the way to avoid getting pelted in the forehead by the Apple Jack she threw at him. “Anyway, I don’t remember you being this star struck when you met me for the first time, and if you don’t mind me saying so, I was pretty famous back then.”

Exhale rolled her eyes at him and shook her head as if that was the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. “First of all, I hated Mmmbop, and second of all, I had known your brother for years. Why would I be excited about that?”

“You’re so cruel,” Taylor replied with a look a shock as if he was seriously wounded by her words.

“And you love it,” she said with a smirk. “I’m gonna go shower.”

As she left him at the breakfast table looking a little confused as to why their playful banter had been cut short so quickly, Exhale sighed quietly to herself. So much was going through her mind, and she thought eventually it may explode under the pressure. She had continued to keep up pretenses with Brady and call him every day and listen to him tell her how much he missed her. And her excitement about the approaching party she had been looking forward to all week was coupled with anxiety at the idea of ending her vacation with Taylor in New York. There were still so many feelings inside her that she hadn’t yet sorted out and that she didn’t want to still be there when she left, but a week wasn’t nearly enough time to figure out and fix her entire life.

For the rest of the day until it was time to start getting ready, Exhale spent most of the time packing up all of the stuff she wouldn’t need any longer since her plane was leaving in the morning and she figured she’d be too tired to pack by the time they got home from the party. Taylor spent most of the day just sitting in her room while she packed, his sadness at her imminent departure increasing with each item she placed in her suitcase. Though she had only been there for six days, the idea of her not being there anymore felt foreign. After watching another installment of Lord of the Rings, which Exhale was finding easier to follow, she glanced at the clock and realized it was nearing six.

Excusing herself to Isaac’s room, she removed the dress from the closet and laid it across the bed. Her stomach did a somersault as she realized she was going to be at a party packed with celebrities in a mere couple of hours. In the entire length of her relationship with Taylor, she had only brushed shoulders with a few famous people, contrary to what nearly everyone else who knew about her relationship with a Hanson thought. She had never accompanied them to Hollywood movie premiers or to release parties or to award shows because she had always been busy with school. She hoped it would be everything she had imagined it to be and not a severe disappointment.

After styling her hair with the perfect amount of large loose curls that would make Raine proud and applying a decent but not too over-the-top amount of makeup to her face, Exhale excitedly peeled off her T-shirt and jogging pants and slipped on the dress she had bought earlier in the week. The material clung to her skin for dear life and showcased her toned legs in a way she had never seen another dress do. Never would she have imagined herself being comfortable in such a dress, but just by looking at her reflection in the mirror, she knew her desire to fit in with the crowd that night would easily be fulfilled with it. After dressing up her neck with a thin silver necklace and dangling silver earrings, she slipped on her black heels and removed her driver’s license, cellphone, and lipstick from her usual purse and transferred it to the small black clutch purse she had gotten on one of hers and Taylor’s expeditions to the city to go with the dress.

Her heels clicked on the hardwood floors as she pulled the door to Isaac’s bedroom shut behind her and went to the living room where she was sure she’d find Taylor and Zac waiting impatiently for her. The two of them were laughing about something but looked up when she walked in the room. Pushing a stray curl from her eyes, Exhale smiled and said, “Ready to go?”

“Very, we’ve only been waiting twenty minutes,” Zac teased, pushing himself up and heading towards the door.

Exhale slapped his arm playfully as he passed and followed him, pretending not to notice the way Taylor was looking her over, though it sent a chill over her body. “You coming?” she said with a smile, glancing over her shoulder at him as he had fallen far behind them and Zac was already halfway down the stairs.

Smiling, Taylor nodded and stepped up behind her, placing his hand on the small of her back and ushering her out the door before pulling it shut and locking it. Throughout the cab ride, Exhale chattered excitedly about her expectations for the night, and Zac warned them not to be offended since he fully planned on abandoning them for the entire night. Taylor laughed at his brother’s comments, warning him not to do anything that may get him in trouble with Reese.

Finally they arrived at their destination, and Exhale thought she might burst with excitement. Once inside, the music vibrated through her body and she realized it was completely packed. Leaning close, Taylor shouted in her ear, “I don’t want you to get lost!” Exhale smiled at him and nodded, allowing him to take her hand in his and lead her through the mass of bodies.

Suddenly, though the music made it difficult to hear much of anything, the unmistakable shriek of someone screaming Taylor’s name made them both stop and turn towards the source of the noise. Taylor let go of Exhale’s hand as a body flew into his arms for a tight hug, and Exhale watched with her jaw dropped as Michelle Branch squeezed Taylor right before her eyes. Laughing, Taylor kissed her cheek in greeting and spoke into her ear, but Exhale couldn’t understand what he was saying. Then Michelle turned to her with a huge smile and pulled Exhale into a hug as if they were old friends. “I’m so happy I finally get to meet you, I’ve been hearing about you for years now!” Michelle exclaimed, pulling back from the embrace while still keeping a hold on Exhale’s wrists. “I’m glad you were able to come!”

Trying to get over being star struck and act casual, though her stomach was twisted in excited knots, Exhale grinned back. “Are you kidding? Like I would miss this!”

Producing the slender camera Exhale had gotten him for Christmas from his back pocket, Taylor motioned for them to stand beside each other for a picture. Michelle wound her arm around Exhale’s waist and let her head touch Exhale’s, smiling brilliantly as Taylor snapped the picture. After the flash, Michelle turned back to Exhale and said, “You know, I’ve seen probably a million pictures of you, but you’re even prettier in person! And that dress is amazing!”

“I helped her pick it out,” Taylor interjected proudly, inciting a laugh from both girls.

After a few more seconds of chatting, Michelle was pulled away by another party guest, waving excitedly to Exhale before turning and disappearing in the crowd. Squealing, Exhale grabbed onto Taylor’s arm and jumped up and down. “I can’t believe that just happened!”

“Come on, let’s go get a drink,” Taylor said, grabbing a hold of her hand and leading her through the sea of bodies. In just the short amount of time it took them to locate the bar, she spotted Stephan Jenkins dancing with Vanessa Carlton, Orlando Bloom, who she squealed to Taylor about since they had been watching Lord of the Rings during her stay and without having seen them she would never have known who he was, Natalie Portman, and Mandy Moore.

After several Smirnoffs, Exhale excused herself to go to the restroom. Taylor pointed with the hand clutching a beer to a couch across the crowded club to indicate that was where he’d be waiting for her. When she nodded and turned to walk away, he couldn’t help but watch her disappear, his eyes glued to the gentle sway of her hips. He had refrained from telling her how amazing she looked because he didn’t want to sound like a drooling idiot. She was hauntingly beautiful already in his eyes, but seeing her in a dress that flattered her body in every way was making her seem even more beautiful in a way he hadn’t realized was possible.

Exhale felt like it had taken her an hour to make it through the immensely long line for the women’s restroom, and she hoped Taylor hadn’t wandered off in that time. After washing her hands and touching up her lipstick in the mirror, she exited the bathroom and made her way to the couch. Her footsteps skidded to a halt when she saw him across the room, seated exactly where he had told her he’d be but now with a Lindsay Lohan look-alike in a miniskirt touching his arm while her head was tilted back with laughter. Her knees were pressed against his as if trying to sit as close as was physically possible. Without several drinks in her, Exhale probably would have been better able to rationalize the fact that she had no room to be jealous, since they were broken up and she had a boyfriend at home herself. But the alcohol buzzing in her brain ignited some powerful jealousy, and she stalked over to them, practically shoving people out of the way as she did so.

“Taylor, let’s go dance,” she said, completely interrupting whatever it was the girl was saying into his ear. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him to his feet without waiting for an answer.

Glaring harshly at her, the redhead stood up and sneered. “We were having a conversation,” she snapped.

“And now it’s over,” Exhale snapped back, pulling Taylor away without even noticing the amused grin on his face. “What the hell are you thinking, talking to a girl like that?” she asked, anger flashing in her brown eyes when she had gotten him far enough away.

“It was nothing, Hales,” Taylor said, rolling his eyes and finding it impossible to force the grin from his face as he realized how jealous she was. “You know I don’t like girls like that. She just came over and started talking to me. What was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry, my ex-girlfriend might get mad if she sees me talking to you’?”

“Forget it,” she shouted, turning to stalk away from.

Taylor stopped her by grabbing her wrist and spinning her back to face him. “I thought you wanted to dance?” he said, the smirk still present on his lips.

“Not anymore,” she huffed.

“Oh, come on,” Taylor prodded. He settled his hands on her waist and started urging them to move in time to the music. Tilting his head down to her level, he grinned at her stupidly until she couldn’t force a glare anymore and she smiled back.

“God, I hate it how you do that!” Exhale cried, playfully hitting his chest as he pulled her closer for a hug.

“Nah, you love it,” he replied. “Now let’s have fun, okay?”

And for the rest of the night, Exhale did just that. Amidst all of the drinking and being introduced to celebrities, she and Taylor danced as if there was not another soul in the room and several times she had to excuse herself with claims to need to use the restroom but it was really just because things were getting too heated between them. His breath was warm on her shoulders and her neck as their bodies moved with the music and their hips pressed together.

It wasn’t until two a.m. that people finally started leaving, and for the first time since they’d arrived, Zac appeared at their side saying he was ready to head home. Exhale didn’t want the night to end because the end of the night brought the morning of her departure. But Taylor too seemed tired and a little too tipsy to be out much longer, so they hailed a cab to get them back to the apartment.

As soon as they stumbled through the door, Zac retreated off to his room with a yawned, “Good night.”

“You going to bed too?” Taylor asked, watching her slip her heels off before making her way across the hardwood floors.

“Suddenly, I’m not very tired,” she replied, plopping down on the couch and tucking her legs beneath her. “Wanna sit up with me awhile?”

Despite how exhausted he was, Taylor wasn’t ready to be apart from her considering their time together was rapidly drawing to a close. Smiling, he sat next to her on the couch and said, “Sure.”

“Sorry I blew up about that girl,” Exhale said with a laugh. “I’m blaming the alcohol.”

“It’s okay,” Taylor chuckled. “I know all about how that feels.” Though his words were joking, and he was still laughing, the look of pain in his crystal blue eyes let Exhale know he was serious. That look ripped through her heart.

“Taylor, I…”

“Did you ever sleep with him?” he asked suddenly.

It was probably the alcohol still making its way through his system that made him bold enough to ask that question, and the alcohol in Exhale’s system made her open enough to answer. “No,” she said quickly. “I’m pretty sure he’s beginning to expect it, but I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because…I’m not ready to share that with anyone else yet.”

“I don’t get you, Haley,” Taylor said honestly, shaking his head softly. “Are you happy with him? Do you love him? Do you even miss what we had at all?”

“I miss it every day,” she said honestly. “And no, I don’t love him.”

“You didn’t answer the first question,” Taylor pressed.

“Because I don’t know the answer,” Exhale replied. Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t asked him to stay up with her. She didn’t want to be talking about Brady in what little time they had left. “I’m going to bed.” Pushing herself up from the sofa, she grabbed her heels in her hand and made her way towards Isaac’s bedroom.

Taylor’s hand on her shoulder made her stop and turn towards him as she crossed in front of the doors to his room and Zac’s next to it. The pent up heat that had existed between them all night only grew more palpable when he pulled her into a hug and whispered, “Goodnight” in her ear. Taylor knew she was leaving in the morning, and with her might be his last chance to get her back. He remembered the way he felt that morning, that morning that seemed like a hundred years ago, when she had stepped up to him at the bar of the beach house and kissed him without a word. If she had never had the courage to make that one gesture, that one outreach, they might have never known the amazing two and a half year relationship they had shared.

Exhale knew him, and she knew what he was thinking as he continued to hold her suffocatingly closely. And as he tipped his head closer to hers, she knew what was coming, but made not a single move to stop it. She accepted his hungry lips on hers, aching to taste what she hadn’t had for the past five months. They were still as velvety smooth as she remembered, and as passionate as the kiss was, because of those lips it still felt like the soft touch of a feather across hers. It was something Brady’s consistently chapped lips never could have achieved.

When it was over, when he pulled away, she wished he hadn’t. But the logic in her pulled away from him further, stepping out of his embrace silently and again turning to make her way into the guest room. Taylor’s hand around her wrist stopped her as he spun her back to face him. “Tell me you didn’t feel anything just now,” he whispered, his blue eyes searching hers for any hint of an answer. “Tell me that kiss meant nothing to you, and I’ll go to my bedroom and go to sleep and we’ll never talk about this again.”

She stood there for what felt like the longest time, his grip on her wrist burning her skin from the heat radiating off of him and suddenly completely sobered by his kiss. She had a boyfriend and a life back home, things that she would be returning to in the morning and all of this would be just another memory. Even as she told herself these things, even as she tried to make the words come out of her mouth…to tell him it had been nothing more than a kiss and to watch him walk away to his bedroom while she went to hers…she couldn’t make it happen. She stood there in her black cocktail dress, her heels dangling dangerously from her fingertips, and her lip caught between her teeth, knowing that either decision she made right then could be the biggest mistake of her life.

The heels slipped from her fingers as she took a tentative step closer, then another and another until she was pressed up against him again. The hand that wasn’t still in his grasp reached up and brushed his blonde locks from his eyes. “I did feel something,” she whispered before kissing him again.

Taylor felt his shoulders go limp, felt all of the tension leave his muscles as he received the answer he had been hoping for. He kissed her hungrily, reaching his hands down to lift her body. She responded instantly, wrapping her legs around his waist and letting him carry her to his bedroom. Once inside the door, he kicked it shut and set her on her feet, sliding his hands up her dress, his fingers gripping at the warm skin of her waist. She pushed him off, and for a second he thought she had changed her mind. Instead she reached behind her and unzipped the dress, letting it slide off her shoulders and flutter down her lean body until it was nothing more than a shadow around her feet. He had always been amazed by her body, and even though he wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the bed and make love to her, he couldn’t stop his eyes from drinking her in as she stood there before him in nothing more than a black bra and panties. Exhale let him watch her, knowing she had never felt more beautiful than she did when his eyes were on her that way.

Stepping closer to her, Taylor pulled her into his arms and inhaled deeply, wanting his every sense to make an imprint of this moment in his mind. He didn’t want to rush this, he wanted to be able to remember every second of the way she smelled and felt and looked. They stood there in the dark, their arms wound perfectly around each other as if their bodies had been molded only for each other. Exhale felt the pounding of her heart within her chest, and felt it mimicked in perfect time with the thump of Taylor’s as her cheek pressed against him. She lifted herself onto her toes and touched her lips softly to his neck, letting him know that she was ready to continue. He obliged, kissing her softly and guiding her onto her back on the bed. He kept himself up on one elbow, kissing her tenderly as his hand worked over her skin.

Exhale grabbed at the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning them with shaky fingers as his hand roamed over her stomach and breasts. Once she had been successful with all of the buttons, she sat up, pushing it over his shoulders as their lips connected over and over again. Taylor tossed the shirt to the side and lifted his undershirt over his head in one swift motion. He brought his lips to hers again, easing her against the pillows as he hovered over her on his elbows. She lifted her back just enough for him to reach around and unhook her bra. He added it to the quickly growing mound of discarded clothes on the floor, his jeans and boxers following soon after. Only a thin, flimsy bit of fabric remained between them.

Taylor paused, still above her on his elbows. He looked into her eyes, silently asking if she was sure she wanted to do this. She looked so beautiful with her thick mahogany hair splayed over the pillows, her lips red and swollen from the heated kisses they’d shared and her chest rising and falling quickly as her lungs tried to get enough air into them, that he was sure he’d die if she said no. Instead, she turned her lips up into a smile and pushed her fingers through his sweaty hair and said, “I love you.”

“Oh, God, Haley, I love you too,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead before removing the last barrier between them. He closed his eyes as he slipped inside of her, remembering every inch of her body with every inch of his. As they began moving their hips in time with each other, she dug her fingers in the tender flesh of his back. His skin crawled with the memories of them sharing each other so many times, a feeling he had been almost sure he’d never feel again.

His mind went blank, and he knew he was about to climax. Her muscles tightened around him and she whimpered his name, satisfying him to know that she was too. He pressed his lips tightly against hers and held her in his arms as they came together, their bodies giving a shudder in unison.

Not until their breathing evened out did he loosen his grip on her and slide out of her. He dropped beside her, turning on his side to face her. As he did, he noticed a tear slip from the corner of her eye and disappear into her hair. “Baby…” he whispered, reaching a hand up to brush that tear’s followers from her eyes. “What’s the matter?”

“I just…” Exhale sighed and turned onto her side to bring them face to face. “I can’t believe I let you go. And I can’t believe I have to leave in a few hours…when I’ve just given up and realized I can’t live without you…”

“Come here…” he murmured, drawing her into his embrace once again and pulling her body close to his. “You’ll never live without me, no matter what. I promise you that.”

Exhale wasn’t sure that she believed that was possible, but she knew Taylor did, and that alone comforted her. He cinched his arm across her waist and let his forehead rest against her temple, planting the softest of kisses on her shoulder before lifting his face and touching his lips to hers. “I love you, Taylor,” she whispered, brushing her fingertips over the skin of his arm and locking her brown eyes with his. “No matter what’s happened between us, I always have. And I’m sorry if I ever made you think otherwise.”

Taylor knew he didn’t need to say anything. With the gentlest of kisses against her lips, he silently accepted her apology.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, and Taylor didn’t wake up until he heard the shower in his bathroom crank on and realized Exhale was no longer beside him. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, his body aching for a cup of coffee. After pulling his boxers back on, he shuffled out of the room and to the kitchen where he could smell that his brother had already started brewing a pot, and for that he was thankful. “Hey, Zac,” he said, when he turned the corner into the living room and saw his younger brother sitting at the bar indulging a cup of coffee already.

“I thought you and Exhale were broken up?” Zac replied in place of a greeting.

“We are,” Taylor answered, grabbing a mug from the cabinet and making his way to the coffee pot.

“Oh really? Is that why my bed was getting moved away from the wall at three thirty this morning?” he asked, his lips curling into a grin over the rim of the mug as he took a sip.

“Way to be crude,” Taylor said sarcastically, pouring his coffee and taking the seat beside him. “We…I don’t know what we are anymore,” he admitted.

“What do you want to be?”

“I want to be with her…” Taylor said, sighing and tracing his fingers in the lines of the tile counter top. “But I don’t know that what happened last night means that’s what’s going to happen. We’re still staying here, and she’s still going back to Tulsa and back to her…boyfriend.”

“Tay, you just have to give it time…She waited for you a hell of a long time the first time around. Now it’s your turn to wait for her.”

Taylor looked up at his brother, amazed at how every once in awhile, a nugget of sense could come out of him. “You’re right,” Taylor said. “It’s just killing me in the meantime.”

Zac slipped off of the bar stool, leaving Taylor to his thoughts as he plopped on the couch and clicked on the television, tuning in to The Price Is Right. Taylor tuned out his brother’s yells of, “No, you idiot! A can of ravioli doesn’t cost more than the calcium supplement!” and closed his eyes. Until that moment, he hadn’t given a single thought to Brady. As much as he loved Exhale and as right as their night together had felt, there was still another person in this complicated equation. He couldn’t even imagine how he would have ever felt if Exhale told him she’d slept with someone else while they were together. He trusted her so completely, and he knew Brady did as well. He had watched her make her way to New York City alone to spend the week with her ex-boyfriend, trusting that they were just friends. Taylor knew he would never take back what had happened the night before, but he wished it had been under different circumstances, and that so many hearts wouldn’t be broken in the process. As much as he had once loathed Brady, it struck him as odd that he would care so much about his feelings. But Taylor knew how much he himself loved Exhale and how painful it had been to lose her. No matter who the person was, he never wished that pain on anyone.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, lost in thought, but he knew it had to be a long time when she emerged, her long hair blown dry after her shower and all of her belongings packed in the suitcase standing next to her. He took another sip of his coffee, cringing as he felt the now cold, bitter liquid slide down his throat, and rose to his feet to help her. “Are you ready for me to bring you to the airport?” he asked, smiling tentatively when he saw her. “It’ll only take me a second to throw some clothes on.”

Thankfully, she returned the smile. He was so sure she would have realized the consequences of their actions and returned to being distant towards him. “Actually…” she said, stepping up to him, “I think I’d rather just take a cab. I don’t think I can have another teary goodbye with you at the airport.”

“Baby, I don’t want you taking a cab…just let me drop you off or-”

“I’ll take you,” Zac interrupted, standing up from the sofa. “If you wouldn’t mind, that is.”

Exhale smiled gratefully at him. “That would be great. Thanks, Zac.”

Taylor sighed and took a step closer to her. “I don’t want you to go, Haley…” he said softly.

“I know,” she smiled. “But I have to.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. He wound his arms around her waist, holding her as close as physically possible. “I just want you to know,” she whispered, her soft breath tickling his ear as she spoke, “that I don’t regret a single thing about last night.”

The relief that washed over him when she spoke those words was indescribable. “Neither do I,” he replied.

“I have to go now,” she said, but she made no move to break the embrace. It was as if her arms had forgotten how to let go. She wanted to stay there with him and never think about anyone or anything else ever again, but she knew that was impossible. There were thousands of miles and entire lives separating them now. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Somehow, they both found the strength to let go at the same time. He kissed her lips again softly, sealing the memory of their weekend before she stepped away from him, taking all of the warmth he felt with her.

Walking away from him, Exhale looked so strong. Taylor could feel the aching in his chest grow exponentially with every step she took. After what had happened the night before, all of the love he had felt from her, all of the tears she had shed, he still had no idea where they stood. Just as she neared the door and Zac reached down for her suitcase, Exhale stopped and turned slowly back towards him, showcasing the tears flowing freely down her cheeks and the look of pure desolation in her crumpled features. With quick steps, she hurried back to him and threw her arms around his middle. Taylor took her easily into his arms, cradling her and stroking her hair and whispering quiet shushing noises in her ear. Sobs shook her body and her hot tears scalded his neck and shoulder, and he found it increasingly difficult to hold his own composure while listening to her cry so heavily. “I can’t leave you,” she sobbed quietly. “Not yet.”

“Haley…” Taylor whispered, kissing the top of her head and swaying gently. “Don’t do this. I can’t…I can’t take it seeing you like this.”

Pulling back, Exhale turned her wet eyes up to his and kissed his lips firmly. “I love you,” she said again, raising her hand and letting her fingertips brush over his lips. The way she said the words scared him a little, because it was almost as though she wanted to remind him and warn him that things may still never be the same between them. The night they had shared may end up as just that, with no result of them being back together and being a couple again.

Taylor opened his mouth to respond, but found he had no words. He let his lips fall together soundlessly, feeling her slip from his embrace and again walking away from him while his heart crumbled to pieces inside his chest. Exhale passed in front of Zac, who had been standing beside the door awkwardly, her suitcase in his hands as he struggled with whether to leave the room or not. Without looking back, she pushed the glass door open and left, disappearing down the stairwell. Zac tossed his brother a look of concern before following, a look that Taylor found he could only respond to with a look of appreciation for what Zac was doing for him.

The door swung shut behind them, and the sound of it closing echoed hollowly throughout the apartment that had, for at least that week, been alive with the sound of her voice and her laughter. As happy and as amazing as he had felt falling asleep the night before with Exhale in his arms, he couldn’t help but feel with the closing of that door, that the world was still not right the way he thought something like that would make it. He knew with the closing of that door that his pain was not yet ended.

INDEX | CHAPTER FORTY