Since Taylor had left, Exhale hadn’t been able to focus on much of anything. More now than ever before, every little thing somehow reminded her of him and it was getting to the point where she could hardly remember what was going on around her and tears would spring into her eyes without notice. As bad as it was while she was doing something simple like driving to school or eating dinner, nothing could have prepared her for the ultimate test of her sanity: wedding dress shopping with Skylar.

Though she had tried valiantly to come up with any excuse she could to not have to participate, Skylar insisted she come along to get fitted for her bridesmaids dress and to help her pick out her gown. And so on that Saturday afternoon, just under a week since Taylor had left, Exhale found herself cross-legged on the floor of the Enchanted Evening bridal shop picking invisible lint from her denim capris and scrutinizing her fingernails more than she ever had in her entire life. It was all a vain attempt to pretend she wasn’t in a shop full of giggling women and gorgeous white wedding gowns. Luckily, between Magdalen, Skylar’s mother, Echo, and the two girls from OU that Skylar had asked to be bridesmaids, no one seemed to notice Exhale’s lack of enthusiasm as they all oohed and aahed over each dress that Skylar came out to model for them. Actually, Echo had noticed and tried to remember to give her older sister a little kick in the thigh so she would know when to look up and say, “Oh, that one’s pretty.”

She had already battled the unwelcome onslaught of tears twice, once when she had first entered the store, and again when she had gone in the dressing room to try on the bridesmaids dresses Skylar had picked out for them. The tea-length, rose petal colored satin dress hung perfectly on Exhale’s frame as soon as she slid it over her. The cinched waist accented her curves just right, and the strapless top was the perfect fit. But standing there looking in the mirror and seeing her reflection in the beautiful dress, she had never felt uglier in her life. It was just yet another reminder that she would probably never have the experience she had dreamed of where she was shopping for her own wedding dress, at least not with Taylor Hanson as her groom. Once she had been able to escape the pale pink nightmare, she had settled into her corner and tried to pretend she wasn’t miserable.

Much easier said than done.

Skylar had evidently picked a dress, because the women were still smiling as they gathered up their purses and started walking towards the door of the shop. A pang of guilt resonated in her chest when she realized how selfish she was being. It was her own fault that she was even in this position, and she had pretty much ignored the fact that this was something special to both Skylar and her brother. Getting to her feet, she grabbed her purse as well and followed behind them, but she stopped when she heard Skylar’s voice say her name quietly. Looking beside her, she saw that her soon to be sister-in-law had fallen back from the mothers who were excitedly discussing wedding details and her friends who were heading towards their own car on the other side of the parking lot.

“Hale, what’s going on?” Skylar asked, her eyebrows knitted in concern. Her voice was so soft and comforting that Exhale considered spilling the entire past three months of events to someone who wasn’t Raine. As much as she loved her best friend and even though they had since made up, after the last argument they’d had, Exhale wasn’t as eager to run to Raine first for advice.

But this was supposed to be a happy and exciting day for Skylar, and Exhale wasn’t about to be the one to ruin it by reliving the drama. So instead, she forced a smile and replied, “What do you mean, Skye?”

“Come on, Exhale, if we’re going to be sisters, you have to know that I can tell when something’s bothering you,” Skylar said with a smile, nudging Exhale’s arm lightly. “Is all this wedding stuff getting to you?”

“Not really it’s just…Well, you know Taylor left, and I…it’s just hard, you know?”

Without having to say all of the words, Skylar understood and pulled her into a hug. “Hale, all I can tell you is that it will either get easier or it’ll get harder. And if it gets easier, you know you made the right choice, but if it gets harder…”

“It’s already getting harder, I’m just afraid it’s too late,” Exhale said, blinking away the tears that seemed determined to be shed.

Putting an arm around Exhale’s shoulders, Skylar continued walking towards the cars where their mothers were waiting for them. “I don’t consider myself to be an expert on Taylor, but just from what I’ve seen of you guys together and from what I hear from Ethan and the rest of your family, trust me on this one…with Taylor, it’ll never be too late.”

Before she could even process what Skylar had just said long enough to thank her, Skylar hopped into her mother’s car and Magdalen called for Exhale to get in the Suburban where she and Echo were waiting. “Everything okay?” Magdalen asked as she backed out of the parking space and eased the vehicle onto the street for their journey back to Tulsa.

“Not right now,” Exhale said quietly, looking out the window. “But it will be.”

______________

Life in New York City came with its positives and negatives, from Taylor’s point of view. First and foremost, it was nice to not be living completely alone anymore. The apartment was big enough to give the three of them adequate space, and it was easy to adjust to. Recording in a new and different studio in a city rampant with inspiration had opened the doors to their creativity, and they had written more songs in the weeks they had been there than they ever had in such a time period. The hustle and bustle of the city and of their schedules made time fly by, and he felt as though they had just landed only hours before even though it had been three and a half weeks.

But of course, there were definite drawbacks, the most obvious being that Exhale was thousands of miles away. Despite how busy they had been, he still felt the loneliness seeping through his veins each night when he laid down to sleep. He could still hear her whispered voice saying, “I know you do,” in the quiet of the night and see her face looking back at him with tears in her eyes after he had told her he loved her. The nights were absolute torture. The only nights that were tolerable were when he and his brothers went out and he was able to drink himself into such a stupor that he could hardly remember his own name. And that was a wonderful feeling while it lasted, but then the inevitable hangover would strike the moment he opened his eyes the next morning, and make him wonder which was worse: the loneliness or the hangover?

On this particular Sunday afternoon, he was beginning to feel the loneliness again. They had an unusual amount of time to do nothing, and Isaac and Zac had immediately taken advantage of that to go out into the city with a couple of Isaac’s friends for the day. Though they had tried valiantly to convince Taylor to go with them, all he wanted to do was lay around and do nothing. He could feel his eyes glazed over as he stared at the television, barely even realizing that he was watching a marathon of Trading Spaces because his mind was somewhere else.

The silence of the apartment aside from the low chatter on the television ended abruptly when the door swung open and Isaac and Zac made their loud entrance. “Jesus, have you been laying there since we left?” Isaac asked, stepping up to the couch and peering down at his brother who looked to be in the exact same position he had been in when they’d left hours before.

“Nah, I’ve gotten up to piss a couple times,” Taylor replied lazily, turning his eyes back to the television in hopes Isaac would take the hint and go away. While Isaac did take the hint, Zac apparently didn’t because as Isaac headed off towards his room shaking his head at Taylor’s laziness, Zac plopped down heavily in the armchair and propped his feet up on the coffee table. “Zac, you’re blocking the TV,” Taylor groaned, reaching his hand out to shove Zac’s feet.

“Yeah, I’d hate for you to miss this one…maybe we should put hay on the walls here,” Zac replied sarcastically, giving the screen a glance to see the ridiculous designing going on. “Taylor, what the hell’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing,” Taylor said quickly.

Heaving a sigh, Zac shook his head at Taylor’s obvious lie. “You act like I can’t tell, idiot. I miss Reese too, I know how you feel.”

“The fuck you do,” Taylor snapped. “She calls you all the time, she doesn’t have a boyfriend back home, and she’s not planning a future that doesn’t involve you. I fail to see how you know what I’m feeling right now.”

“Okay, so maybe I don’t know exactly how you feel, but you’re being a douche about it. Why do you have to wait for her to call you? Why don’t you grow some balls and call her?”

“She’s too busy,” he mumbled, not even sounding believable to himself. He was just as busy if not busier, but he knew that one ring of the phone with her on the other end would bring anything else to a halt. He was just afraid that it wasn’t the same way for her, or that he would call while she was with Brady somewhere. More than that, he was just afraid to call her, afraid to hear her voice again because he wasn’t sure what kind of effect that would have on his emotions.

“Well, if you do decide to call her,” Zac continued, rolling his eyes at Taylor’s answer, “you should get her to come visit next week. Ike’s planning to go back home for spring break week because it’ll be Alicia’s birthday somewhere in there, so Exhale can stay in his room.”

“She always goes with her parents to the beach house on spring break,” Taylor replied.

“Are you seriously going to come up with an excuse for everything?” Zac scoffed, getting to his feet. “Grow some balls and just fucking do something already.” He shuffled off to his room, feeling a little bad about being so harsh with Taylor, but nothing else they had tried had worked. That had been a major topic of discussion between himself and Isaac on their way back to the apartment. They had tried being understanding, they had tried giving advice and consoling him as best they knew how, but nothing seemed to have any effect on Taylor. So they had to resort to the last option left, and that was just being straight up tough on him and hope it would get him into action. A smile came over his face when he got to the threshold of his room and heard Taylor’s voice behind him saying, “Hey, Haley, it’s me.” Finally, they had found something that worked.

“Hey,” Exhale said quietly on the other end. “I’ve been waiting for you to call…how’s everything in NYC?”

“It’s a lot of fun…most of the time,” Taylor said, shifting around on the couch to find a comfortable position. But with his muscles tense as they were, that was a difficult thing to find. “How’s school?”

“Stressful, as always,” she sighed. “I’m just so ready for spring break because I plan on doing absolutely no school work whatsoever.”

“It’ll be easy to forget about school while you’re at the beach, I’m sure,” Taylor mused. After Zac’s grow some balls speech, he had mustered a miniscule amount of courage to call and ask her to visit, but it vanished the second she made that statement. He was stupid to think she’d want to come see him on her break when she could go to the beach house with Brady. The thought of Brady going with her to a place that held such memories of himself and Exhale there made him sick to his stomach.

“Oh, we’re not going this year,” she replied nonchalantly. “Well my parents are, but that’s it.”

“Really?” he choked out, the surprise evident in his voice. “How come?”

“They just figured it’d be silly I guess, because none of us really wanted to go,” Exhale laughed. “I mean, Ethan’s with Skye now and she hates the beach, Echo got invited to go with one of her friends’ family to Disney World, and I sure didn’t want to go with just my parents. So they’re gonna go and get a hotel on the beach or something for a few days. No sense in them being the only two in that big old house. And I’ll probably spend the whole week sitting around the house doing nothing.”

Closing his eyes, Taylor blurted out his suggestion before he could think about it too long and chicken out. “Or you could come here.” He could feel his heart racing as he waited for her answer. It felt ready to bound straight out of his chest.

“I’d love to!” she replied enthusiastically. Her response made him let out the breath he wasn’t aware he was withholding. “Are you sure I won’t be in the way though?”

“Hardly,” Taylor replied, trying not to sound as excited as he felt. “Isaac’s going back home to visit his girlfriend for her birthday, so you can stay in his room if you want. And you know Zac and I won’t get any work done without him here to keep us focused.”

“Awesome! I’ll start looking at plane tickets tonight to see what I can afford.”

“I’ll buy your ticket,” he said, his excitement increasing at the thought of spending days worth of time with her rather than the small lunches they’d had here and there since breaking up. “You can look and find a flight that’s convenient for you and email me the information and I’ll put it on my credit card.”

“Taylor, you don’t have to do that…” she groaned. It felt awkward to let him buy things for her when they were no longer a couple.

“I know I don’t have to, I want to,” he replied gently. “This trip is going to be my treat. No arguing. In fact, don’t even bring any money with you, because I’m not going to let you spend any.”

“No way!” she snapped with a laugh. “I’m not letting you do all that. I’ll let you buy my plane ticket and maybe a dinner or two, but I’m not about to let you pay for everything.”

“Most guys would kill for a girl like you,” Taylor laughed. “You can bring money and try to pay for some things if it’ll make you feel better, but I’ll more than likely convince you out of it every time.”

“If you think you can do it, be my guest,” she said with a smile. “But I’ve grown immune to your charms over the years, Taylor Hanson. I’m pretty good at holding my own with you.”

Smiling, Taylor sighed gently. “I’m glad you said yes.”

“Me too,” she smiled. She wasn’t at all sure that Brady would be happy she said yes, but at that moment, hearing the happiness in his voice and feeling it in her heart, she didn’t care what he had to say about it. “Me too…”

INDEX | CHAPTER THIRTY SIX