It didn’t really feel as though two weeks had passed since the world Taylor Hanson had come to know as his own had been cruelly snatched away from him. Each day without Exhale felt as though it stretched for a century, taunting him mercilessly from the moment his eyes opened in the morning until his head touched the pillow at night. He had thought that with time, he would grow used to the idea of coming home to an empty house and of not hearing her voice. Now he realized himself to be an idiot to ever think such a thing was possible.

And so after many days of frustrating his brothers with his lack of enthusiasm and staring blankly at the television for hours on end, he had decided to take action that Friday afternoon. Exhale had done a number on his house, clearing every single personal belonging of hers that had ever crossed the threshold. Yet still strewn about the rooms in random places were pictures of the two of them in frames that Taylor had bought, and clothes of his she had loved to wear on a lazy Saturday. Those were the things he was packing away, making a final step towards ridding the walls of memories of her while depressing music played on his stereo.

Not once since that night had he spoken to her, but he had stopped trying to call after his first ten thousand attempts were ignored. It bemused him to recall how Exhale had cried in his ear, promising to always be there as his best friend, yet now refused to even answer when he called.

Once he had gathered up a small box of pictures and other memories, he taped it shut firmly with thick strips of duct tape and made his way down to the basement with it. He found a place on the dusty shelves the perfect size for the box, as if that space had been hewn specifically for it. Taylor took a moment to stare at the box, realizing that by leaving it there in the cold and dusty basement, he was burying part of himself with it. Shaking his head to clear such thoughts, he headed back towards the stairs.

But then another box caught his eyes. Though the cardboard was unmarked as to its contents, his mind immediately flashed a mental picture of what was inside.

“I can’t believe you kept all this silly stuff,” Exhale laughed, holding up the empty glass jar that had once served as a container for nothing but purple Skittles that she had painstakingly picked out of dozens of bags of candy. “What are you ever going to do with this thing? You should pitch it.”

“Hey, you gave me that,” Taylor replied, snatching the jar from her grasp and trading it for a kiss on the lips. “I love it because you gave it to me, and I’m not going to pitch it.”

“Taylor, what are you going to do? Put it up for display on the mantle? Come on, it’s a complete waste…”

“Well, geez, I wonder what you say about all the presents I’ve given you over the years,” he said, pretending to be offended at her careless attitude. Finally he smiled. “And maybe I could…I dunno, turn it into a vase or something.”

“With all the crap you have to be moved in to this house, a vase is the last thing you need. Let’s just put it all in the basement for now, okay? I promise you, we’ll figure out something to do with all of it later, okay?” Exhale smiled and kissed his lips again, winding her arms around his neck. “Except for that stupid letter. I don’t ever want to see that piece of overdramatic teenage ridiculousness again.”

“Haley, this letter is the only thing that let me know your true feelings for me. If it wasn’t for this, we might not even be together right now,” Taylor argued, lifting the letter in his hand.

Exhale slid her arms from around his neck long enough to pluck the letter from between his fingers and drop it into the box beside the jar. “I don’t believe that. I think we were destined to be together from the moment we first entered the world. We didn’t need a silly letter to bring us to what we have now.”

Taylor didn’t even realize he had opened the box until he snapped out of his memory and found his fingers clutched around the typed sheets, wrinkled and worn from months of being housed in his back pocket. He didn’t have to unfold them to remember what they said; he had memorized every line nearly three and a half years ago. The words were still fresh in his mind as he closed his eyes against the tears that burned them. He hated crying and had stopped himself from doing it every time he felt the urge. Crying was giving up, and as hard as he tried to sometimes, there would always be a part of him that would never give up hope.

Realizing it to be a ridiculous thing to do, he stuffed the letter in his back pocket. Once it had been so promising of amazing things to come, but now it was simply a painful reminder of what he had lost. And as he made his way up the stairs and clicked off the basement light, he wished that it would bring back some of the hope he could feel himself beginning to lose.

_____________________________

“Hale, you have to come with us,” Raine prodded, tugging on Exhale’s elbow expectantly.

Exhale glanced over her best friend with a skeptical look, expecting her to begin stamping her feet any second because she wasn’t getting her way. “What part of ‘I don’t want to be a third wheel’ is not making sense to you right now?”

“You won’t be a third wheel,” Raine replied, rolling her eyes dramatically. “Drew’s band is playing tonight, so if you don’t come I’ll be watching the show from the crowd by myself. Have you any idea how much of a loser I’ll look like if I’m there by myself? Besides, you need to get out. You’ve been locked up and moping for almost three weeks now!”

“I’d rather mope,” Exhale groaned, burying her face in her pillow. “Come on, Raine, I don’t feel like going anywhere tonight. I just want to stay home and-”

“And continue being miserable?” Raine interrupted, putting her hands on her hips and looking down at Exhale with raised eyebrows. “Hale, I’m your best friend, and I’m sick of seeing you like this. If you’re ever going to move on from this, you have to get out of this house and see people.”

“Maybe I don’t want to move on. Maybe I deserve to be miserable.”

Sighing, Raine sat down on the bed and softened her features to a look of concern. “Hale, you don’t deserve to be miserable, okay? This is a decision you’ve made that you believe to be the best one for you, and even though it’s hard, it doesn’t mean you need to torture yourself. You can’t spend the rest of your life locked up in your room and pretending like time doesn’t keep going forward. I’m not going to let you become a crazy old cat lady just because you’re not with Taylor anymore.”

Turning her face out of the confines of the pillow, Exhale looked up at Raine. “I think I’m just…I’m afraid to be happy again.”

Offering her a small smile, Raine nudged her gently in the side. “But you shouldn’t be. You’re an amazing person and if anyone deserves to be happy it’s you.”

Exhale laughed and rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic. You just want me to go tonight with you tonight so you won’t be alone.”

Giggling, Raine said loudly, “Yes! So will you get up already and go shower? You smell!”

“Fine, fine,” Exhale huffed, pushing herself up and rubbing her face with her hands. “I’ll go…”

Hours later, she found herself in the passenger seat of Raine’s Sunfire, staring out the window at the passing night as Raine sang along loudly to the Drowning Slowly CD blaring through the speakers. Exhale was still unsure as to whether or not she was ready for a night out without Taylor, but she figured that Raine was right. Staying home and mourning the end of the relationship wasn’t going to get her anywhere. In order to figure out how to exist without Taylor, she first had to exist somewhere other than her bedroom.

Raine didn’t waste any time, and within minutes of entering the bar, she had a Smirnoff in hand and was throwing it back as though she was being timed. Exhale rolled her eyes as she followed her friend through the crowded floor towards the stage to look for Drew or his bandmates. “You hoes are late!” Raine giggled and whirled around, jumping into her boyfriend’s arms at the sound of his voice.

Exhale watched them as they kissed and spoke to each other with their faces pressed close, and she felt her heart weaken. Watching them made her miss Taylor ten fold, and made the thought cross her mind that she may never recover from losing him. She was actually glad when Drew hurried off to join the rest of the band members and prepare to take the stage, because that meant it was less time she would be forced to watch the two together. “Hale, are you having fun?” Raine asked, throwing an arm around her once Drew was out of sight and leading her towards the bar so she could get another drink.

“Oh, yes, tons,” Exhale replied sarcastically.

“Aw, come on, at least try to have a good time,” Raine encouraged, accepting the new bottle of Smirnoff from Drew’s friend working behind the bar and dropping money into his tip jar. “That’s the whole point of coming out tonight!”

“Raine, I really think I want to just go home,” Exhale sighed. “I’m not ready for this. Not yet.”

“Yes, you are, now come on,” Raine said, grabbing Exhale’s arm and dragging her closer to the stage. “The guys are coming on in a second. If you can swear to me when they’re finished that you didn’t even have the slightest bit of fun, we’ll get you home, okay?”

Laughing and shaking her head at Raine’s determination, Exhale huffed a, “Fine!” as soon as the lights dimmed and the members of Drowning Slowly took the stage. The lights flashed brightly as they kicked into their first song, and Exhale caught Drew’s face as he winked and smiled at Raine. Glancing back at her friend beside her, she saw Raine grinning back at him, her lips moving as she sang along, but Exhale knew she barely realized what song she was singing. Her eyes and her attention were locked on Drew. She remembered that feeling, and she missed it terribly. When she couldn’t stand looking at them any longer, she forced her gaze away and glanced around at the crowd.

Across the packed floor, she spotted him watching her, and a smile lit up his face when he saw that she had found him. Exhale forced a smile, but she almost wished she hadn’t when Brady took it as an invitation to approach her. Though he had shown sympathy at her plight, it became obvious early on that he wasn’t too disappointed when he heard that her relationship with Taylor had ended. Suddenly it became so obvious that he wanted more than just a friendship with her, and she wondered how she could have possibly been blind to that fact for so long and wasted breath trying to convince Taylor otherwise. As much as she appreciated Brady’s friendship, she wasn’t sure how she felt about his feelings for her.

“Hey!” he said happily, greeting her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek when he made it to her side. “I figured I’d run into you guys here sooner or later!”

Exhale smiled again and nodded, straining to hear him over the loud music and the lead singer’s screeching voice. “Yep, Raine dragged me out tonight.”

“I’m glad she did!” he laughed. “You’ve looked like you need a night out for the past few weeks now!”

“Gee thanks,” she replied, rolling her eyes playfully.

“You know what I mean…” he groaned, slinging an arm across her shoulders. “Do you want me to buy you a drink or anything?”

“No thanks,” she said, shaking her head. Glancing over at Raine who had made another bar run she added, “I’m pretty sure I’m the designated driver tonight, as Raine has chosen to get smashed.”

The conversation ended, though Brady stayed by their side until the end of the set and the DJ took over. Music continued to thump through the speakers, and Raine was practically falling over until Drew appeared to hold her up and dance with her while doing some drinking of his own. “Hey, do you wanna get out of here for awhile?” Brady suddenly asked.

Exhale looked at him in surprise, taking his question to mean something more serious. “Excuse me?”

“Not like that,” he laughed, rolling his eyes at her assumption. “I just mean like…outside. Go for a walk or something. Your friends aren’t much company.”

Uncertainty racked her brain, and she looked to Raine for answers, but Raine was much too occupied with Drew and her buzz to notice anything. Finally, she turned back to him and shrugged. “Yeah, why not?”

Brady waited until they had made it to the sidewalk and begun walking at a slow pace beside each other before asking, “So how are you doing? Really?”

“Oh, so you saw through my charade of bliss, I guess?” she asked wryly. “I thought I was doing a pretty good job pretending to be okay.”

“You’re not,” he said with a smile as he nudged her gently with his elbow. “I can understand though…It’s tough to come out of such a long relationship.”

“Like you’ve had one to compare?” she challenged, glancing up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s true!” he contended quickly. “Believe it or not, I was with my last girlfriend for two years when we broke up.”

“Why did you break up with her?” she asked quietly.

Brady sighed, his breath forming a cloud in the cold February air. “She cheated on me. I tried to forgive her and move on from it, but…how do you ever really move on from something like that, you know? I mean, you spend all this time building trust with that person, and then when they break it that way…It might not be impossible for everyone, but it definitely was for me.”

“I’m so sorry. That’s a horrible thing to do to someone,” Exhale said, shaking her head a little. She tried to envision how she would have ever felt if Taylor had admitted to cheating on her, but had to force the thoughts away. It was too painful to even imagine. “Have you been with anyone since her?”

“Not really,” Brady shrugged. “I’ve dated here and there, you know, but…nothing really serious. You never answered my question though.”

“What question?”

“How are you doing?”

Exhale turned her face from his, resenting his inquiry into her personal life. Sometimes she wanted to scream and cry at anyone who would listen about what she was feeling, but sometimes she grew so tired of discussing it that it made her physically nauseated. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you seem like you’re doing better. To me, at least. Although I’m probably not very reliable since I only see you two days out of the week with the occasional run-in on the weekend.”

When Exhale looked up at him, he was smiling and his eyes were gentle. “Thanks,” she said with a small smile. “That really does mean a lot.”

“Good, I’m glad.” They walked along in silence for a few minutes until finally Brady sighed. “So…tell me what you were like as a kid.”

“What?” she asked with a laugh.

“Tell me what you were like as a kid,” he repeated. “I’ve known you since the beginning of fall, but there’s so much about you I don’t know, so I want you to tell me about it. Anything, I don’t care. Just say whatever comes to mind.”

Following his instructions, Exhale simply began talking. She talked about being a tomboy and ditching the dresses her mother had dressed her in as soon as she was old enough to play with her brother and his friends, and she talked about meeting Raine in kindergarten and how they had been inseparable ever since. Every random memory that came into her mind, she shared with him until she had him gasping with laughter. Her cell phone began ringing deep within her purse, and when she retrieved it she saw on the caller ID screen that it was Raine calling. “Hello?” she answered.

“Hale?” came Raine’s slurred voice. “Where’d you go, you bitch?”

Exhale laughed as she gestured to Brady to follow her and head back towards the club. “I went for a walk. Are you still at the club?”

“Yeah, but you have my keys. I’m ready to go hooooooome,” she replied drunkenly.

“Okay, I’m on my way back. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

When Raine agreed, she ended the call and shook her head with a sigh. “I swear, that girl can get herself so drunk…Anyway, now that you’ve heard all about me, I want to spend the return walk talking about you,” she said, poking him in the arm. “What is there to know about Matthew Brady?”

Brady indulged in her question, telling her stories about himself growing up that put hers to shame and had her clutching her aching stomach as she laughed. And God, it felt good to laugh after all she had been through. They found the drunk couple sitting on the curb outside the club, Raine practically passed out against Drew’s shoulder as he struggled to keep himself steady. “You guys ready to go?” she asked, looking down at them and laughing at their pathetic state. She grabbed Raine’s hands after Raine had extended them towards her and pulled her to her feet. Raine slumped against her, barely able to support her own weight.

Drew stood up and nearly fell back over until Brady quickly rushed to his side and stopped him from hitting the ground. “You might need some help getting them to the car, but that’s just a guess,” he joked.

“Thanks,” she smiled gratefully. “Her car’s over here.”

Once Brady helped her close the two of them into the backseat safely, she made her way to the driver’s door and pulled it open. “Thanks for everything tonight, Brady,” she said, smiling at him. “I needed something to take my mind off of…everything.”

“No problem…I had a great time. You’re an…amazing person, Exhale.”

Exhale felt every muscle in her body clench when Brady took a step closer and brushed his fingertips over her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch, knowing what was coming and not sure if she wanted to stop it or not. The touch of his lips against hers was soft at first, but grew firmer when she didn’t push him away. If the top of the open car door wasn’t gripped tightly in her hand, she felt her trembling legs might give way and cause her to collapse to the ground. His kiss was so different from Taylor’s. It was hesitant and new, and she had mixed feelings when he pulled away. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at him, her heart racing. “Brady…it’s…”

“What?” he asked, his hand slipping down from her cheek and to her neck.

“It’s too soon…” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Just have dinner with me,” he urged. His fingers in her hair were making her weak. “Just one dinner, that’s all I ask. And we’ll see where it goes from there, okay?”

“Brady, I don’t know…” she sighed. “It’s all so sudden, and I don’t…”

“Exhale, I’ve been dying to ask you out from like…the minute I met you. Just indulge in this one little thing so I don’t feel like a complete loser? I’m not…I’m not asking for anything serious. Just dinner.”

Laughing despite the multitude of emotions she was experiencing, Exhale finally nodded. “Okay, then. Dinner.”

Brady’s face relaxed into a relieved grin. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” He leaned in again and brushed his lips against hers in the faintest of kisses. “Goodnight, Exhale.”

“Goodnight.” Exhale slipped into the car and shut the door, her mind reeling as she tried to make sense of all that had happened. Had she really just agreed to go on a date with Brady? And more importantly, how was she going to keep Taylor from finding out? As she pulled out of the parking lot, she suddenly realized the gravity of what she had just agreed to, and she wondered if she had just made the convoluted mess of her life even more complicated. By the time she pulled into Raine’s driveway and started trying to get both drunks out of the backseat and into the house, she decided that she most definitely had.

INDEX | CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT